revenge of the worst sort

i know it's been about a month since my last post. i've been super busy between my new job, my boyfriend, and moving into a new place with my parents. between all of that, ana's taken revenge against Jacob. Jacob, my boyfriend of one whole month, (that's the longest relationship i've had) cooks amazing food and always tries to take care of me and be my protecter. i appriciate his gestures very much, but ana does not. after a month of "being normal" and eating like a normal person, i was happy to learn that i only jumped up to 145. i was thinking it'd be more like 156 or some bullshit like that. i weighed myself today and was happy that i lost a whole 10lbs in 5 days. i think being happy has something to do with it. i notice that when i'm upset or dismal, my weight tends to jump up no matter how little i eat. but when i'm happy, my weight will balance it's self and drop drastically. i dunno if there's any science behind it, but it works for me.

i love Jacob. i really do. he says he loves me, and i don't care if it makes me a stupid teenager, but i beleive him. i know he does. it's in the way he looks at me. the way he talks to me, the things he does out of the blue. like yesterday for example. i went over to his house, just expecting to hang out like we usually do, maybe just watch a movie or play video games. turns out we'd be home alone for the night and he'd layed out a magnificent dinner for the two of us. candle lit and everything. i was astonished. we ate and talked about plans for our senior year. we don't go to the same school, but we were thinking abouat plans for after high school. we agreed that we'd save up for a trip to hawaii next summer. though our relation ship may not last (oh god i hope it does) it's nice to plan sometimes. and if it does, then we'll be the happiest 18 year old kids on the beach. haha! even more inspiration for me to thin up. gotta get in perfect shape for that bikki bod, right? so, life's been fantastic to say the least. i can't complain.

okay, so maybe i can. ana hates jake. hates him with a burning passion. hates his cooking, hates his willingness to accept fat me. hates the fact that he thinks i'm beautiful the way i am. she's coming back to me for revenge. revenge of the worst sort. ana's waged war on my heart. not just my head anymore, oh no, that my dears was concoured long ago. ana's made me lie to jacob before. i feel horrible about it, but what can i do? although jake knows about my ED, he thinks that i've become better. he supports me working out with him, and supports a healthy diet, but ana just likes to throw him to the wayside. :/ this worries me very much.

mara burton.